I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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