Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
