She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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