hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
