I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
