I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize