One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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