Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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