we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
