idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
