Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You should frame my arrest warrant.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
