If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
