Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
