return my video game
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
