I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
