why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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