If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize