I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
