my mouth tastes like poor choices
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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