Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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