He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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