she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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