Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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