no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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