So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize