She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
