guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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