sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize