I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is Oprah even human
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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