She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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