TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Randomize
