At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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