I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
