it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
