is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
