Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
