if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
