you win again, gameday.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When did angry sex become our thing?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
