Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize
