There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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