I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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