Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
