I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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