bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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