My liver just broke up with me...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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