I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
