you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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