my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
