I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
