Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
