When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
