the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
