this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize