Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
