I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
