Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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