so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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