I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
