thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
