I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
