i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
