I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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