I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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