Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
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