I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
