i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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