I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i came on her dog
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
