The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
