My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
