Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
