K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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