what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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