i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
